I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
