Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
