Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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