And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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