why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
No stitches, just platelets and will power
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
