We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
