just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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