I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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