do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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