if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
