I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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