I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
