2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
