I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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