Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
