She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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