dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
