Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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