We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Couch. On fire.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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