Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Drunk is not a location!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
