I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
