I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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