i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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