This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
