I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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