used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
