I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
