yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
