So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
two words...techno handjob
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
