Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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