you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
