I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
how drunk are you?
Several
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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