put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
did i just pee glitter
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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