when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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