ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
