remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
