Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
