please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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