she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am one with the molecules
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
