This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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