her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
