A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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