Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
