Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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