I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
