turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
