Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am mentally ready for anal.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
