My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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