I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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