What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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